Crazy Life

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实习的第二周，到今天终于给其中一个班上了一节华文课。结果是惨痛地失败了。

      不明白新加坡的中学生怎么可以课堂纪律这么差。教室里一直充斥着各种闲聊声，开玩笑的，玩摔纸片的，用英语念念叨叨的，除了听课，干什么的都有。一个小时的课，一共只有放课文录音的五分钟是安静的。（快下课的时候还安静了一次，不过是因为有学生宣布说“零食时间到了”，结果23个人一下子走得只剩下6个，统统号称“去洗手间”。）新加坡没有课间休息，孩子们上了一个上午的课，想去洗手间，想吃点零食都是正常的。但是这些小鬼充分利用了学校的允许上课吃零食跟去洗手间的规定，直接给自己放了十分钟的假。

      实在不知道怎么控制这样的课堂。想要让他们安静下来，就只有让自己的声量高过他们。还要不停地大吼“保持安静！”“回到座位上！”“不要嘲笑其他同学！”真的难以相信，这会是号称新加坡某家“名校”的学生的上课状态。

      其实不止是上课，全校的集会也有同样的问题。上个星期，学校里有一次生命科学比赛的颁奖典礼。本来是很正式很严肃的场合，但是礼堂里从开始颁奖就乱了。学生们一直不停歇地说话，在礼堂里到处走动，还不时嘲笑上台领奖的外校同学的校服。有个女生穿的校服比较特别，结果刚一上台，台下就轰动了。这个女生最后只有匆匆地领了奖跑掉。颁奖过后的讲座更是混乱。校方请到了新加坡一家研究机构的物理学家来讲生命科学领域的各种尖端科技，结果孩子们从他开始讲就一个字都没有听过。那个物理学家最后讲得非常辛苦。在台上看着下面几千人乱糟糟地做什么都有，感觉到自己的演讲没有人关心，应该是很难受的经历。

      我不明白的是，为什么这些孩子对于演讲者，或者是师长，又或者是其他学校的同学，没有一点点最基本的尊重。我确实只是实习老师，而且也确实只比他们大几岁，但是在讲台上，我的身份是老师，至少在上课的几十分钟里，我应该得到一些尊重和关注。更何况我准备了上课的内容，我很清楚如果他们肯听，我的课不会无聊。现在真的感觉好像藻哥说的，他们拿老师当“电视机”，就那么开着，“你爱讲什么自己讲去，跟我们没有关系！”

      很怀念朝外当年的氛围。当时我们也不明白为什么学校要求那么严格，现在才知道，原来纪律好是这么重要的事。真的是从来都没有见过这么混乱的课堂，整个学校就好像没有校规一样。哪怕是自由，也太过了。

      我是个笨蛋老师，碰到不知道“上课不能随便说话、不能到处走动”的学生，就彻底束手无策了。新加坡的华文课本也很不适合他们的学生。这些孩子会说一点中文，但是阅读、写作都有不少问题。新加坡的华文课只到初中结束，很多学生之后就不用再学华文，所以他们只有汇考的压力。而汇考哪怕是考o level，也只要考到40/100就可以过关。所以这些孩子们是根本不打算学华文的。开始还在想，也许是我自己讲得太差了。后来想想不对，启导老师讲课的时候，孩子们也是一样的乱。只不过那时他们不敢上着课就都跑出门去罢了。

真没想到，人生第一次上讲台，居然是这样收场……

（后面是我今天上过课回办公室之后，随手在记事本里瞎划拉的，还没有褪色的对课堂的感觉。）

Watch out! Brand new teacher coming through...

Teaching is really a hard job. I had thought about being treated like I was no one, like I was even not there. The class was hard to control, since there were nearly two dozens of boys inside the room, and each has his unqiue opinion and thoughts, that they just won't listen to someone like me. Or perhaps I'm not the type of person that they feel they must obey. My conmands were weak, and they did not feel threat in it. I had no oppertunity to reward or punish anyone, since there was simply no time for me to do so. There was a period when the kids are allowed to have snacks. And they simply got up and walked around the room, and started eating and chatting like it was a lunch break. Someone asked permission to go to the washroom, others followed, and soon there were nearly nobody inside the classroom. I felt terrible. That was my first time being a teacher, and I thought I could handle those boys. The truth was, I had a big failure. Just as I feared, I do not know  how to control a class. There was a point or two, when I had no idea what's gonna happen next, and I had no idea what I should do, or could do, to draw back their attentions. I had the feeling that my class was boring, and that the boys simply hated it---- they just wanted it to end quickly so that they could go and take their lunch break. I did consider teaching as a challenge, but I never thought that it could be this hard. How am I gonna control all those minds besides my own? And tell them what to do? No. This first class was simply a total disaster, and a total failure. I had not accomplished the goals of my teaching plan, I had no time to do the group talking activity, I had to shout once and once again to remind those boys to keep silent so that the class can be continued. I hate to give up these boys, but unless I find some way to overcome their bad manners, and my boring teaching plan, the next class won't become better.